The Hoffman Family Adventures
Monday, December 18, 2023
Monday Monday - DPP2023 Day 18
Sunday, December 17, 2023
Some good in every day - DPP2023 Days 14-17
Life has been busy and I actively set aside the blog for the last few nights choosing rest over writing down the memories of the days. Undoubtedly I will have missed some moments I would have loved to read about later but I have been getting increasingly comfortable allowing myself grace. Getting better at realizing the essential from the luxury. Above is my great niece - she is the first baby in the family since K which makes her tremendously popular. Well that and she is super adorable. As are all her visits - her impromptu visit on Friday night very exciting. It should be noted that her parents came too. We like them a lot too - but Baby B takes all the attention. I felt like this photo E took of her fit my mood for the last several days. Put on those shades and go incognito for awhile. Friday, I was able to squeeze in a visit with Mom and had time for a game with her. Despite the fact she beats me every time and this time was no exception- you can see she isn’t finding the same joy she had the other night. And that is ok - not every day is going to be the best day - but every day can have some good in it. My exclamations at my disastrous luck in rolling got a few smiles from her.
Wednesday, December 13, 2023
Bittersweet - DPP2023 Day 13
I had the privilege to be part of a special tradition today so that my mother could participate without anxiety. It was the most wonderful of evenings. The home was beautifully decorated as you can see from my chosen image of the day. The food was wonderful and the company delightful. What made it especially sweet was that my mom was more relaxed and happy than I have seen her in a long time. She didn’t ask me once where she would sleep and only asked a couple times if she needed to go back. She was content to just be in this space with people she clearly knew and loved.
My heart could help but ache a bit at the sad parts of my presence there. Their group of 10 has become 9 and I just know how much my Dad would have loved that evening. It reminded me of the events and life he is missing as we all try to march on without him. While I had a wonderful time and this group has been in my life for ages - I just wish Dad could have taken Mom. Or that Mom could have gone on her own. The reality of the dual loss of my parents in different ways is palpable most days I don’t talk about it much, but I carry it with me each and every day. I have so much joy and goodness in my life - that I don’t find myself sad all the time I do find myself feeling heavy. Tired Weighed down by the grief of this season of life.
It is why tonight was so magical. Mom is so different than last year when I ran in my PJs to snag a photo of the group much like the one above. But what was the same is how happy this dinner made her. It raises my goal of what to shoot for anytime she is at my house. She was content. She said, I just love to watch all the chatting and laughing. When we left, she said, I loved that. I could do that every day. Me too, Mom. Me too.Tuesday, December 12, 2023
Showing up - DPP 2023 Days 11-12
Sunday, December 10, 2023
Hustle Silly Bustle - DPP2023 Day 10
Saturday, December 9, 2023
Too busy for blogging! DPP2023 Days 7-9
It wasn’t a conscious decision to take very few photos over the last few days. It has just been busy. I can feel the pace picking up and the weight of the coming holiday pressing down as each day passes. Since mom’s ability to cook succumbed to dementia, I have managed a lot of our family traditions and shopping for both sides of the family but my Dad always pitched in and set the tone. In so many ways - he was Christmas for our family. I find myself avoiding tasks, including blogging the photo project as a way to avoid the void that is palpable as the holiday approaches.
But mostly - I have been busy celebrating 32 brand new JayPAs. How lucky to shepherd brilliant individuals from
undergrad to professionals. It is always one of my favorite days of the year.
Perhaps one of my favorite memories from this graduation was to be included on a beautiful Hawaiian tradition. This graduate’s Hawaiian relatives not only decorated her beautifully in real flower leis but also provided some for her to give to others. I was a lucky recipient which made the day extra special.
This class of students promises to be some of the best PAs in the country and I can’t wait to watch them soar.Wednesday, December 6, 2023
Endur but enjoy - DPP2023 Day 6
After school today, Lil b ask K to come in the kitchen and recreate what they did in science class today. I worked from home today so I could focus on writing a speech for graduation on Friday. Sometimes words come easily - and then there are days like today. Even this post feels like a struggle today. My focus was on work when I got up to throw something away and I saw these two working away. How fun to have a front row seat to this sweet little exchange. Lil B was giving instructions and teaching the how and why you can make ice cream in a bag. Water was dripping everywhere but they just put more towels down. They were in their own little world laughing and creating. K grew inpatient with how long she had to agitate the bag and wait for the ice cream to set up. Lil B responded, did you think it would be easy to make ice cream in a bag?!? As a mom, you can’t help but love when activities of their own making start to teach them how the best things take patience and hard work.
In another celebration of endurance and hard work, the celebration of the Class of 2023 has begun. The path through PA school is more challenging than most realize and that struggle feels oh so worth it when we get to graduation week. Tonight we had a dinner as a last class activity before they all go their separate ways. Bittersweet.
Serving tables in the main dining area was a familiar face….
Tuesday, December 5, 2023
Extraordinary Everyday - DPP2023 Day 5
First - Happy Birthday to Walt Disney!
For the most part - today was an average everyday Tuesday. The day started before the sun was up getting Lil B off to school - you can see how he is fired up and ready to tackle the world. The carpool waiting game.
Middle school around here starts sooooooo early and then they like being there early to socialize.
Mornings have become a time and space in an otherwise packed day that I can take a little time for myself. In the last couple years, my responsibilities have expanded to such that there isn’t a lot of space in my days. Rich has been unbelievable during this time and is also stepping into more Daddy duty than he previously did. My morning time with some coffee and my Bible study gives me some peace before tackling whatever challenges the day may hold.
These two join me in my morning time. Here they are in the morning light and the glow of the bathroom light that teenage boys seem completely unable to turn off upon departure. They are looking at me expectantly because we have begun to feed them Farmer’s Dog in the mornings which is real food. They love it and stare me down until I feed them. It has made Teddy (the bigger and older one) start acting like a puppy again and we went all summer without dead grass from their pee. So we are fans and based on their shameless begging - so are they.
Mom had a banner day today. She got picked up by E and taken out for brunch. Those two have a special relationship and E is so sweet to her. Mom also got to see her friend Barb who brought her a cute little Christmas gift. My mom’s friends are such loyal people. Mary and Claudianna come to visit regularly as well. I am tremendously grateful for that support and added bright spots to Mom’s week. I showed up tonight to find her gone on a Christmas Light Tour - something Mom and Dad used to do together so I know she loved it. When she walked in and saw me, she lit up with the biggest smile! Made my day At her request, I got her ready for bed and even did her hair for her post shower frizz control. We always laugh at the curling of hair for bedtime - so we took a picture to commemorate her beauty.
You can tell how sleepy she is after her long but happy day. There are so many hard and anxious days in this disease process that days like today are so precious. Love that smile of hers and those anxiety free eyes.Monday, December 4, 2023
It comes around - DPP2023 - Day 4