Priorities

 

Day 17 really taught the Hoffman family some doses of reality about priorities.  Here in this image for the day, Sir Teddy had a tough decision whether to stay with one of his favorite humans - Uncle Tev - or to head of to bed with his good buddy.  Eventually his priority shifted to his good buddy - especially after his good buddy had to work his tail off all evening on school work.  This dog really knows when the kids need him and he checks in on them.  If I had the time and energy to train him, I feel certain he would be a phenomenal comfort service animal because he does it for us every day.  

I remember the feelings of finals week.  It is the week that answers the question - did I give my best in this class this semester?  Most of the time, I had and the finals weren't terribly stressful because their overall effect on my grade was minimal.  I had made sure to get as many points as possible on every assignment, test, and project.  This made finals week easier - because in that effort to get all those points, I had also learned.  So not only did the final have less impact on my grade, it was also easier to prepare because I knew the content from the work I already put in.  Then there were the classes where I didn't do that.  My most painful memory was high school physics.  I had it at the end of the day, so I missed it a lot for Forensics tournaments.  It didn't come easily to me and so I relied heavily on friends to help me catch up and understand.  When finals week came, I realized how little that supported homework time did to help me master the content.  Suddenly, I was wishing to have those weeks back to have those homework assignments to do over again so that I could learn the content in small bits instead of trying to master a whole course in the matter of a few days - when I had other courses competing for my attention.  Wishing for time back that had already been spent on the wrong priorities.  Realizing too late that my priorities had been out of whack.  I don't remember what grade I got in Physics by the skin of my teeth but the stress endured that week stayed with me.   What I know is, I could have done better and regret is such a great teacher.   Watching my kids prepare for their final finals week day, made me remember all those lessons in priorities.  Those struggles are part of how life taught me to keep my priorities straight every day. To do the things you may not want to do over the the things you would much rather be doing.  Easier said than done - that is for sure.  

Lil b and Daddy worked on the last spelling test of 2020.  Lil b has always responded so well to his Daddy and seems to tolerate spelling practice better from him than mom.  It is the opposite for Big B and E so this is a welcome change for me. Feels good to be able to say something that is coming to an end for 2020 as it signals the end of 2020.  This family is ready to see 2020 in the rear view mirror and we hope that 2021 doesn't make us miss 2020.   2020 in review does bring into focus the priorities that really matter most.  When so much is stripped away, you quickly learn what is essential and what can be put on hold.  I am learning how to place God first and my family firmly in second place.  So often work comes first and 2020 taught us that while hard work and effort is important - business is just that, business.  And at the end of your days, you won't be wishing you worked harder or spent more time at the office for a company that may or may not know your name.  Much like my physics lesson, prioritize work so that the work gets done in bits and so it doesn't become the scramble that pushes everything else out of the way.  Give work the priority it needs so that it can give way to those things that rise above it.  

Here is E finding herself lucky that her Uncle Tev is willing to suspend his priorities and place her above them all.  He relearns math that he has long since forgotten to attempt to be an aid in her preparation for her finals.  This was taken shortly before I went to get ready for bed.  As I sit here and type, they are still at it and it is getting late.  While I hope E learns the math and does well on her final, I hope more that she learns what it means to drop your plans to help someone in need.  I hope it teaches her the priority of doing your best so that your call for others is only when you truly need it.  I hope it builds some selflessness in her as she is being shown what that looks like when she is the benefactor.  Most of all, I hope it reminds her that though friendships are currently priority number one for her - she has a family that has been prioritizing her for her entire life.  Modeling for her that family is forever and is constantly looking out for her.  These are the things that teens are often blind to (and for some rebelling against) but as life humbles them and teaches them lessons - their eyes are opened to those whom have been there all along.  

In totally unrelated news - Teddy brought us a gift this morning that Brandon discovered. . . .ugh.  Really realigned my priorities to focusing on having a rodent free home.  

Fortunately - this friend wasn't alive.  Phew!   It was a mousicle brought in from outside.  But now I am all heebie geebied out that there may be more of his kind somewhere close by......ick!   

Ending today really evaluating my own priorities, my areas where my eyes need to be opened, how to provided mentorship and boundaries to help my kiddos with their priorities, and where are the things that can just get let go.   It can be a painful process to let go of things that we wish were priorities but we know that in the long run, the right priorities bring less stress and more happiness.  Wish us luck as we walk through this process.  

Performances

 Another few days flew by with few photos taken and the blog taking a backseat to other responsibilities.  Honestly, when Christmas shopping isn't done for anyone yet and Christmas is just over a week away - blogs and photos get put on hold.  I am still behind but I have at least gotten the grandparents gifts set.  I usually try to help them with their shopping to make their lives easier. I admit that I don't feel guilty like I used to when I would miss a day on the blog.  Now, I miss it but I don't feel guilty.  I like this opportunity to apply fresh perspective to my day.  This was an early morning photo from one of the days.  I love how the house is still dark, quiet, and calm but the morning light has begun to come in the windows.  I have my Christmas tree on a timer and have it turn on for a couple hours in the morning.  I love coming down with its light greeting me.  I have been getting up each morning to spend a little time on my own, in the quiet, reflecting and reading my Bible.  At first it was hard getting up.  Now, I look forward to it.   It does make it really hard to stay up and write these blogs though!  Rich and I both find that coffee in the big, now really beat up, brown chairs is our recharge place.  Adding the light of the Christmas tree to that luxury is just abundance.  

We continue to see light coming into our lives.  Monday is dance day and these two crazies get to take dance together.  Normally, Jess will pick them both up, they will play for awhile at her house, and then head off to dance.  K loves this tradition and she loves the weekly play date.  Since I was working from home and I knew they would just run off and play - I said yes to K's request to have the play date at our house.  I was rewarded for that yes with quite the performance. Oh my goodness - what a treat that festive performance and those giggles.  How does that not bring joy to a day?     

I want you to know I attempted to upload a video but it wouldn't let me.  It is a real shame.  K has a beautiful singing voice but she is pretty shy about sharing it - so she spent a lot of her time performing from behind the curtains - a regular Wizard of Oz.   Her friend, she is stage ready!  She came down bold and ready to dance and perform.  She also has a beautiful singing voice.  It makes me wonder if this is a video I will show someday at a show choir senior night. . . .remember when?!?!   These moments bring back great memories of acting out movies with LeAnna and creating full movies over at Tracy's house.  There were driveway dance recitals and plenty of singing performances.  Man, my neighborhood was really lucky to have us (sarcasm intended).   

Perhaps the funniest stories of the day - Rich has had a terrible trigger finger.  He has put off doing surgery for a long time.  It had gotten to the point it was causing him pain even doing simple tasks so it was time.  Here is a picture before surgery of him with his finger as straight as he could get it.  He has been suffering endless teasing - especially from E.  I think she will be a little sad that it got fixed.  

I always find it so fascinating that someone who has been so entrenched in the medical system since he was in 3rd grade gets super nervous for anything and everything that has to do with it.  Some of it completely irrational.  For example, he has poke his fingers for years and given himself shots.  Now, he sends a needle into his stomach or other sites for pump sites with nary a care.  Back when I used to give him his flu shots - he would always get super nervous.  He would state that needles made him nervous.  When I pointed out the above, his response?  Well, not those needles - other needles!  Oh gee, my mistake (insert eye roll here).   Today was no exception.  And a nervous Rich means a chatty Rich.   And a chatty Rich will always mean a goofy and funny Rich.  All I know is that when I arrived to pick him up, they said, you have to come back to see him.  I was a bit nervous because in this covid world, that was unexpected.  I found him antsy and nervous which even raised my concern.  As I sat down, the nurse came in and said, "well you have a stand up comedian here!"  I looked at Rich and said, "oh no, what have you been saying back there?"   He shrugged and said "I was nervous and I am pretty sure I talked nonstop."   The nurse was wrapping things up and he continued to make funny comments.  Then, the doctor stopped in.  I am a reader of nonverbals and I noted by the nurse's response that this stop wasn't typical.  He came straight over to me and began to give discharge instructions that led with, "An essential element for his healing process - well, do you have grapes at home?"  "Yes, we have grapes," I said while looking at him suspiciously.   "Oh good, you will need to feed him grapes and fan him with palm leaves every few hours.   A foot rub will go a long way and of course no chores or work of any kind."  Come to find out, he had listed off the things in the OR that he felt he should be entitled to since he had surgery today and that I kept calling it "minor surgery".   As he does, he convinced this surgoen to come in to list off all the ways he should be pampered.  And because Rich is a effortless leader of people, the surgeon played along with the plan.  There were reports that there was someone in the room named "Jeremy".   Apparently, Jeremy became the focus as Rich said things like "If I can point my finger straight after this, I am giving everyone in this room a big hug.  Except Jeremy, because he creeps me out."   I was also told he requested that Jeremy make a special stop to help him put on his shoes and socks.   (He didn't - which I say - good for you, Jeremy!)  Most of all, it was made clear to me that he was well received and they would be sorry to see him go.  All his stand up. . . .errrrr.... lying down comedy is over now as he is hurting.  I was finally able to get the right balance of pain meds that he is asleep.   Ibuprofen for the win this time.  

Finally - this homebody was bound and determined to get to Target tonight.  Normally, to extract him from home for any reason takes an act of Congress but to also have to sit through his sister's basketball practiice too?!?!  No way!  But his heart was set on Target and this was the way he was going to get there.  Here he sits waiting out the hour of K's basketball practice with me.  He is enjoying the new van's movie watching capacity and I am enjoying that the sound goes through those head phones!  When we arrived at Target, he knew exactly what he wanted to get.  He had prepared for the visit with conversations and thoughts ahead of time.  He never ceases to amaze me with his capacity to show up for others.  He is thoughtful and intentional in his gift giving and I was so proud to see him so motivated to participate in the giving side of Christmas.  

Even though we are walking through a trial right now and sometimes that feels heavy on our days - these moments of light shine even brighter for us.  In the performances of song, of comedy and of giving - I am reminded that there is always joy waiting for us to embrace it.  For me, that will be one of my greatest Christmas blessings.   

PS -tomorrow needs to be a lil B stalking day.   You can always tell who is around me the most by who get's their photo taken.  Lil B got to go shopping and out to supper with his Pawee.   What a treat that was!  I think he will happily give up photo on the blog to spend one on one time with Pawee any day. 

Deck the Halls

 

This is one of my favorite things of the year and it rarely, if ever makes it into the DPP project   Usually we get this done well before December but our timeline is shifted - but look at those beautiful floors   We have been trying to be intentional in having some family fun every Sunday   Somewhere, I had figured out we have less than 150 Sundays between now and when E goes to college - now we are less than 140.  While it is completely natural for E to be spending more time in her room and focused on her friends, it affects the younger ones.   They miss her.   When we do something and she isn’t there, someone always comments - we need E here or I miss E.   It made me realize that this time as a family was needed by this mama - for sure - but just as much by her three biggest admirers.   We have had a photo scavenger hunt, played spoons, giant size family Jenga, family basketball competitions, watched movies and try not to react challenge with strange foods.   Naturally - today was trimming the tree.  It is tough carving out this time but it is always worth it.  Even when it doesn’t go right - someone is mad for losing or someone is out of sorts for having to step away from what they were doing - we always manage to find our way to some goodness.  I think we are lucky to have a crazy and fun family, both immediate and extended.  As these kids grow and establish their lives beyond our family, I hope they are brought back to each other and us in the fun and memories we create.  Tonight - the stars aligned - or their Dad and Uncle Tev prepared them - and it was the most fun and joyful Christmas tree decorating we have ever done.  It was loud and silly and perfect. My heart is full - these are the times and the moments that make the hard worth it.   Well that and the fact that I love them so stinkin’ much.   

There was a special delivery of some Cordial Cherries decorated as the Nativity scene.  Yum!  They are always so impressively decorated.  Mom and Dad had no idea they were stopping in for the chaos that ensued.  And while they didn’t stay long, they definitely added to the joy.   Here B is sharing some ornaments with Omom and reminding her the stories.  

Each ornament has a tale all of its own and prompts a memory or a relationship.  As B and each kiddo shared an ornament with my mom, my heart swelled some.  They adore her and they are actively engaging with her with memories of their own.  They remember so she doesn't have to though she had her own memories to share tonight which is always a joy.  

B put his hat on his Penguin, Steve and was dancing around to Christmas carols.  I had him stop so I can capture this moment of childhood joy in him.  I am keenly aware that he is slowly spending more and more time in his room.  That he is making the shift from preteen to teen and soon will be just like his big sis - and we will be missing his presence.  So to slow down to snap a shot of his youthful joy before it is gone seemed just the thing to do.  To ensure that B was just as festive as Steve, his big sis jumped behind him so it would appear as if he is wearing a hat.  Interestingly, it also appears that he has long hair on one side.  

  Every year there is an ornament casualty during decorating.  Every. Single. Year.  I have resigned myself to it and made peace with it.  It has become part of the tradition and as we see those cracks, we can say remember when?  Well - here is how this story will go when we see the cracks in this ornament.  Hey remember when mom was reminding B to be careful with the ornaments and make sure they are on the branches well so they don't break - and then she when to pick up an ornament and immediately dropped it so that it broke not once but twice?  Yea - that was 2020.  Lil b was standing right next to me and in his always so sly way he said, maybe ya shoulda been talking to yourself, mom.  He isn't wrong.  :)

The tree is up, it is decorated and I go to bed tonight with my heart full.  This was a memory for the history books because it was like the delay just built up some of the excitement and fun.  Our family time doesn't always go this well or this smoothly - but I will endure 1000 someone is crabby family nights for each one of the times it all comes together like it did tonight.  

All the things... DPP 2020, Days 11 and 12

 Well, I didn't exactly get around to typing last night's blog so tonight's can share the stories from both days.  This post has a bunch of photos that just feel like a hodge podge of all the things.  But because all the things are real life and some of the fun of this weekend, they will be the only focus of this blog post. This is my 8th year of participating in the December Photo Project.  It is a commitment to remember to take photos and sit down to compose the stories of the day.  Most who do this project merely post one photo a day to a Facebook site.  I do the blogging for me.  For us.  I used to write down stories in baby books of the funny things that the kiddos would say or do.  Things I didn't want to forget.  Now this serves as a one year measuring stick of who my kiddos are during this particular snapshot in time, what our adventures include, and where the blessings and challenges are in the mix of it all.  Here in this photo is some much deserved rest for the man of the house.  We worked hard this week trying to get our home and my parents house back to normal.  I am glad he took a moment to put his feet up and watch TV.  And by watch TV, I mean fall asleep in the chair and deny sleeping should anyone ask.  

      This goofball has lost her mind.  She is staring at her reflection in the window and holding this ruler to her head to try and see how much taller a young man who snapped her would be.  When your 6 foot 1 inch tall and female, these things become really important.  She is marveling about how she would likely only come up to his shoulders. The silly and deliberately over dramatized dialogue she had about this had the whole family laughing.  I am sure whomever this young man is, he will be happy to know he "measured up" to her standards for snapping back.  This girl is quite the character.  

I had sat down to have some apple cider and read a book all cozied up in a blanket.  Like Rich, I was ready for some rest.  I had just gotten all comfy when along came someone who decided she needed to be cozied up too while she played her app time.  It didn't last long because Big Brother B brought down football jerseys for all and they were off to the basement for a fierce competition.  The Vikings, the Cowboys, and the Giants - all in one competition.  It is cute to watch the boys teach K about the rules.  K kept throwing forward passes past the line of scrimmage and that was a wrong that needed to be fixed.  

This game, unlike some others, stayed fun and joyful.  As you might expect, typically someone gets hurt because someone else took two hand touch to tackle football.  Or someone felt wronged by a rule or foul call.  But tonight, the stars aligned and there was only fun had by all.  Towards the end, K was having a hard time dealing with things not going her way letting us know it was time to get ready for bed.  K is becoming quite the reader - and here she is reading me a bed time story.  (You will be happy to know that the anti-bedtime ninjas were not present this evening - see the last blog post if you do not know what I am talking about).

Day 12 started out nice and slow.  Here are the kiddos enjoying some Saturday morning cartoons while their mom and dad had their coffee in the kitchen oversized and beat up brown chairs.  

One of the things I have been working on as a parent is providing rest for my kiddos when they are at home.  As I do research on the onslaught of information that our kiddos get from the culture that surrounds them and the busyness of our present day lives - I am aware at how much comes at our kiddos each day.  I actually think that is one of the greatest gifts Covid has given us is that things slowed way down and we are provided more time for the things that matter more.  Even so, in a pandemic or in their busy culture, our kiddos need a place of rest.  I want their home to be the place they retreat to.  The place when they are weary, they know they can come and find reprieve.  So we have begun to encourage flopped out for cartoons, quiet Sunday mornings cozied up with blankets and a good book, or even snuggled up as a family with some cocoa and some music.  It helped today that there was snow on the ground.  Something about snow makes it even more cozy.  

While the kids enjoyed their cartoons, E and I snuck away for a girls brunch.  We both love brunch and enjoyed the excuse to spend some time together.  I was intentional in letting her lead the conversation and prompted her with open ended questions.  It is good for me to see how she sees the world and how she navigates her way through it.  Even though I know her well, her humor, quick wit, and charm always make me smile.  She is really fun to spend time with.  

Then I ran off to coach 7th/8th grade Y basketball.   No - please don't laugh.  Yes.  I am coaching.  No. I am not qualified.  But we won anyway with some great teamwork.  We were short handed this game due to injuries and stinkin' covid - but the boys played hard and they played as a team.  Big B is not the most athletic one out there but he has this absolutely unpredictable way of moving that he can always get an open shot.  I love getting to do this with him and I will be happy when his real coach returns at the conclusion of this pandemic.  

Finally!  The first of Christmas preparation at our house.  Christmas is less than two weeks away and I have done nothing.  Even typing that gives me heart palpitations.  But with all that was going on in the house, this was the first opportunity.  Tomorrow we hope to decorate it and decorate the house.  As I sit here, it occurs to me that I now have a choice to make.  I can let Christmas create in me stress and worry or I can choose to slowly work through the things to do and whatever gets done, gets done.  Whatever doesn't. . . .doesn't.  Forces me to prioritize.  

 These girls are a bit extra in their Christmas spirit tonight - but they made me brownies so I can support this vibe.  There might be nothing I like more than people who don't take themselves too seriously.  Those that can find so much fun in the silly.  Based on the laughter - I am guessing these two are exactly that.  Now.... I still haven't had a brownie - so I better get going....
                                                                                                                                                                          

Don't steal her moment.....

 

Today was a great day for its normalcy.  How we have taken for granted prior to the last 10 days of waking in our own beds, working with all our normal home office things available, and the schools closer.  This photo was at our quick fix dinner of chicken fried rice.  A Sam's club special that makes in 6 minutes for those evenings when we have all the things to do.  We had planned for spaghetti but the hamburger was still over at my parents house so this meal came in for the dinner rescue.  I took this photo because it was a pause in the bickering to say grace over the food.  And the bickering immediately picked up where it had left off.  

This was the only other photo I took.  Big B was at his OT appointment and E was at team dinner so it was just the four of us.  The week has been hard on everyone and I think for awhile I hadn't been appreciating that.  I hadn't given as much thought as I wish I had for the little human experience of the last 10 days.  It makes sense that they are tired and testy with one another.  So to pause, and see this moment of peace on their faces as K said the prayer - reminds me that this weekend, perhaps we all need some space to reset and rest.

Somewhere in my readings of things that make parenting easier - it says that when things are hard, stop and take delight in your kids.  Today wasn't hard.  Today was a great day.  But it was a day that my world stopped spinning enough to see what is hard in their world.  That the short tempers with one another are likely from disrupted routine, reaction to stressed parents, and weariness from pitching in to help restore all the things to their rightful places.  It was one of those days you would like to scream if you hear one more "he looked at me" or "she stuck her tongue out at me" or "he ate his food when I didn't want him to". I made some cookie brownies for after dinner to celebrate K having a good report from school about her reading really taking off.  She was so proud and we were happy to celebrate that with her.  When she approached lil B to share the good news of dessert, he said, "well I had a good day too.  I am learning double digit division and it is hard."  K, as she does, rolled her eyes and walked over to me with her hands on her hips, "B is trying to steal my moment."  (Does anyone else's 7 year old refer to someone stealing her moment? - I had to contain my laughter). Then it was a fight through each step of bedtime.  Whomever thought that bedtime was kisses and cuddles and off to bed - clearly never had children.  It takes active effort to not be snarky with them, "Yes, next we will put on the pjs.  Yes.  That is the first step after bath.  Yes, just like it has been for the last 1000 days of your life.  No - please don't go fight with your brother.  You are naked so perhaps we should do Pjs first.  Next we will brush teeth - oh you don't want to brush your teeth?  Oh well, in THAT case - here is some candy and off to bed."  I mean, it isn't like it is a complicated system.  Bath, Pjs, brush teeth, quick drink, book, snuggles, and bed.  And it is like clock work, step two will take at least 20 minutes if you are not present - steps five and six often get skipped because some how 1-4 and 7 took an hour and a half.  Not every night is this way which is really how they get ya - you don't even see it coming.  Like little anti-bedtime ninjas.  

You know what I just realized?  The best thing about the teen years - they don't require supervision for these steps - except maybe ensuring that teeth brushing actually did occur.  See, stopping to take delight really does help.

Delights - plus a reminder for the future of who these four awesome humans are in 2020:  

E - I love the young woman this girl is becoming.  She is strong and kind.  She has a great sense of humor.  She is reflective and thoughtful - and when her teen years gives her a learning opportunity - she rarely lets it pass her by.  She is loyal and true to those she loves.  She keeps her circle small but really cares for those who are in it.  She is driven and hard working and never afraid to work for what she wants.  She is self motivated and responsible.  I don't have to worry about her schedule or her school work.  She is passionate which drives her - especially in basketball.  Recently, on her own volition and idea, she took my mama out to brunch just to spend time with her.  She is a great kid and I can see God has big plans for her - and watch out world, she is going be a force.  

B - I love this kiddo’s heart of gold.  He has empathy uncharacteristic of a young man his age and acts in kindness because of it.  He is wickedly smart and he keeps me on my toes with his deep thoughts and the way he analyzes the world. Not to mention his incredible sense of humor and silliness.  Truly he is such a happy kid and he brings such boundless energy to our family. He is creative and comes up with big ideas and innovative ways to do things.  This has been a challenging year and though it has been tough, he has shown a strong sense of self, confidence and resilience.  He has a great faith and I look forward to where it leads him.  I truly believe he is going to impact humans positively in some way.  

Lil b - I love this kiddo’s charm and joyfulness.  He is my extrovert and he makes 100 friends wherever he goes.  He loves to be with people, be the organizer of people, and the creator of all the games.  He is a sports lover - chasing after any game going on though baseball still holds his heart.  He has this competitive drive that usually creates a positive drive in him for improvement.  He is intelligent and clever - which he usually uses for good. ;).  Probably my favorite thing is that he is an encourager.  He actively seeks out ways to cheer for others and seek those out needing some encouragement.  His personality reminds me a lot of my Dad - which makes me wonder how he will use those gifts in his life.  

K - I love this kiddos balance of sweet and sassy.  Most of the time, she is a laid back, fun loving, and affectionate kiddo.  She is happy to allow someone else to take lead when she plays with friends but don't let that fool you into thinking she is a follower.  She has a take charge attitude  but she yields it with some finesse that people (adults and children) and animals respond to.  She has her sassy side which is absolutely hilarious.  She says things like "he is trying to steal my moment" regularly.  She will bust out some pretty funny one liners.  She also has a ton of talent - in her academics, in her singing, and how quickly she picks up just about anything you throw at her.  It is a joy to watch her grow and develop into a young lady.  

At the end of the day, bickering or not, they are great kids and I consider myself incredibly lucky to be their mom.  Today - they needed some grace and some cookie brownies - so that is what they got.  

Tomorrow - DPP2020 Days 8 and 9

 There is something spectacular and hopeful about the dawning of a new day.  The darkness of the land as the light begins to shine through the sky.  It is often calm and without wind.  Here, the lake is as smooth as glass and reflecting the beautiful oranges of the sunrise.  When I was young, I had the privilege of being part of the production of A Christmas Carol at the Omaha Community Playhouse.  That time of my life has some of my most vivid memories of my childhood.  My tryout song was Tomorrow, from Annie.  I still really like that song and K will sing it now if I play it for her.  This sunrise reminded me of that.  And today feels like a new day.  The light began to shine through as we meandered through Days 8 and 9 of the DPP project.  We only get one post for these days because there was too much work to be done for two posts.  We have been staying at my parent's house for 10 days as our wood floors and carpet have been refinished and replaced respectively.  We are so happy to be at the end of our home improvement projects.  

The children have been sleeping on the floors and in chairs (often by their own choice).  Lil b is curled up in a rocking chair and K has stolen her Uncle Tev's bed with Teddy's help.   Needless to say, I think K slept great that night but it was Uncle Tev that was relegated to a chair.  Returning home left us with a lot of work to put everything back where it goes and to start the work of putting my parent's house back as it was before our invasion.  Mostly washing bedding and doing dishes - but let's not forget the gluing of broken figurines.  Whoops!  Moving all the furniture and stuff on the top two floors of your house twice is quite the undertaking.  However, the floors look great and we are nearly settled.  Being in our own home, where the children all have their own space, and everyone has a bed has been good for the soul.  We LOVED being with Uncle Tev and are tremendously grateful he tolerated us for so long - but there really is no place like home.  Rich and I both felt our stress levels improving as we settled in.  More light shining in on the darkness.  

The only remaining work to do is getting the boy's rooms back together.  Here they both are working diligently to organize and find homes for all their stuff.  Sorting for what stays and what goes.  Spoiler alert - not much goes.  Big B is even multitasking while chatting with a friend whom you can see if you look closely. . . like Where's Waldo. 

I think it was good insight for my kiddos to have to move everything out and back into their rooms.  It was a visual representation of overabundance and even with their limited world view, they recognized how spoiled they are.  It raised in them a great appreciation and Lil b moved that emotion forward by evaluating how he could be better at looking to give and provide for others.  That made the upheaval worth it. . . well mostly.  

Truly - having a bed is such a wonderful thing.  Here she reads, snuggled up with her favorite puppy, reading Green Eggs and Ham out loud to her puppy.  She loves this book and has worked through the words she didn't know and now can read the whole thing.  She reads it multiple times every week.  She has begun to add inflection.  Her "I do not like Green Eggs and Ham" has some emphasis behind it.  

On final story - though it is a little humbling to share, it is the illustration of human kindness.  In addition, it brought out my husband's hilarious sense of humor in a follow up text.  On our porch tonight was this:  

This was a kind gesture from someone who has not been a center stage friend in my life.  We share mutual friends and in the last 6 months, through Bible study, we have begun to get to know each other better.  Interestingly, she was my junior buddy in PA school but I know her far better through our friends than I do from PA school.  While we had never been close, I have always been a fan.  She is kind, talented, fun, and faithful.  She had already offered kind words after the last posts which was more than enough and added light and sunshine to my day all by itself.  But here she came with a blaze of light and kindness in my world.  She didn't have to do that.  At first, I was embarrassed and humbled though that quickly melted to gratitude and some awe towards this friend.  I think I had a moment where I didn't understand what was going on.  A crockpot is easy to replace and likely, the carpet company would have paid.  But that isn't the point - it isn't about the crockpot and that is what I missed at first.  All wrapped up in this box with this bow is the gift of human kindness.  Of someone being the light to someone else when they needed it.  It felt God sent to me and let me know that even beyond my closest circle are those who care.  I knew that but in this kindness, I felt it.  It leaves me looking for ways to bring the sunrise to other's valleys the way she did for us.  Rich's follow up text was, "Maybe you should post on the blog that our TV is broken...."  That guy always knows how to make me laugh.

So yesterday's tomorrow came with a lot of sun in a variety of forms and I look forward to what tomorrow's sunshine will be.  All I know is that I am one lucky human to be surrounded by such great people - family that gives us a calm place to land while our home is in chaos, friends who go above and beyond expectations, a hubby that keeps his sense of humor, a home that feels so much more warm after being away, and children that are the ultimate light in my life.  This mama has her own overabundance to appreciate.

One bonus memory:  As I remember back to being in Christmas Carol, I remember a tradition that my Dad started.  In hindsight, now that I am the parent driving my children everywhere, this must have been a huge commitment on the part of my parents to drive us to and from rehearsals and performances.  Somewhere along the lines, my Dad would randomly declare it was ice cream night.  It would be late and McDonalds would really be the only option.  We always went to the one on Dodge and we would always order three vanilla cones (Dad, Kevin, and me).  The first time, we enjoyed our cones while declaring that this was a great idea.  The next time, Kevin no so subtly mentioned that maybe we should head to McDonald's again and Dad indulged his brilliant idea. We were told the machine was broken.  Bummer.  A week or two down the road, we decided to try again.   The machine was broken again.  Well shoot!  We let some time pass only to return to find a broken machine again.  We started to tease that we were cursed and maybe that we broke the machine.  Finally, we got to the drive through, the machine was functioning!  Hooray!  Our long awaited second ice cream cone would soon be on its way.  As we pulled up to the window, there were three workers inside, all of whom were covered in ice cream. The machine had blown up.  We had really done it that time.  We blew up the McDonald's ice cream machine.  For the sake of the workers, we saved our laughter for after we drove away.  My Dad is so skilled at making everything an event and finding humor in things - he managed to take two kids dying to have an ice cream cone and make it so that instead of crying that we didn't get ice cream that we would laugh all the way home at how unlucky we were in ice cream.   Oh and when those poor workers were covered in ice cream - we knew our talent was a special one.  As I look back now - had we just gotten our ice cream - I would likely not remember now that we stopped for an ice cream cone.  Sometimes, when we don't get what we want, we get something better.  And just so you know - our ice cream machine breaking escapades continued through childhood - the three of us had a special talent.  

One Step at a Time. DPP2020 Day 7

 As we work our way through the last of our home improvement projects, we are almost giddy to be done with the upheaval that comes with having your house torn apart.  We are sore tonight from moving everything in our house twice or more in the last week.  Our house has reached an age that it was just time to do some updates.  The deck was falling off the house, a new roof after a bad storm, painted ceilings, new garage doors, new garage door openers, the driveway had a crater in it, the walls were so dingy they were beyond washing, the wood floors dulls and scratched, and the carpets worn down to nearly flat.  In the last week, we have been doing the floors.  We saved the worst for last.  The above picture is the stairs with all the carpet and pad removed.  Nails sticking up standing ready to get your attention.  Tomorrow should be the end of this upheaval.   Step by step, we have gotten through this process.  It has taken almost two years to get through all the different parts but we took it one step at a time, just like this photo.  

  These next two photos show a little of what the house has looked like.  The first is our piano room.   A dangerous loading zone because we have to take such care for that piano that my grandmother so sweetly gave to me.  It holds such sentimental value in addition to the fact that playing it is one of my greatest therapies in life.  But this room doesn't get much traffic, so it has been loaded full for this entire process since it doesn't require any replacement.  

You might not be able to tell what kind of room this is - but it is our bathroom.   Even the bathtub is full of bedding as we try to empty out the bedrooms so that they may have some carpet installed.   Perhaps I am alone in this (though I know my hubby is with me on this) - this kind of chaos and disorder makes me instantly irritable.  It makes me feel overwhelmed and chaotic.   I can even reason in my own head that those emotions are irrational but it doesn't make them go away.  

Walking through this current world of uncertainty with our future, like the home improvements, I think the disorder of it makes us overwhelmed and irritable.   But we can learn from this home improvement process that with one step at a time, tackling one piece of the broken at a time, we can fix just about anything.  (Though admittedly, we haven't fixed anything because we actually wanted it to be done right).  Last night, as I submitted the post, I felt so vulnerable and I was met with such graciousness.  I am truly grateful for all the people who provide support for my family now and always.  I need to speak about one person in my life that makes taking that one step at a time so much easier through the hard stuff.  My friend, Jessica, makes all of life's hard things easier.  Today was a hard day because adding the physical exhaustion from moving all the furniture in 6 different rooms - some of them twice - to the emotional exhaustion just didn't leave us much in the tank.  Jess is one of those friends that feels big and loves big.  She is the one you want to call with good news because she will exclaim so loudly and genuinely on the phone that you will realize you should have been more excited.  But when you call her with bad news, she is immediately in action with prayer and advocacy and standing ready to help in any way.  She is one of those friends that you set as your standard of what you want to be to the people in your life.  She was even willing to come move furniture - but I just couldn't ask her to do that.  She reminded me that these times of hardship do have such blessings and she shared through the hardships she has endured. Reminding me - there are so many bigger and harder things than what we are going through right now and that perspective is much needed.   

Our three littles worked their tails off tonight helping us move things for over 3 hours.  As little ones will, the got hungry which prompted a trip to the pantry where we discovered this mess.  When not much is left in the tank, this brokenness felt so much bigger than it actually was.  It felt defeating and unfair.  But at the end of the day, this likely happened due to the normal pounding that comes with replacing carpet.  It felt big - but it will only take a few minutes to clean up and a light fixture and crock pot are replaceable.   I think that is where I have been in my mind.  A problem, that while real, is not as big as I have made it in my head.  Much like walking through the steps of cleaning up and restoring, we will walk through the steps of replacing our normal.  That is the perspective that Jess provided for me.  It feels big right now but it will get better and the steps needed are likely not as many as they currently seem.  While walking through those steps, if I do it right, I will likely find a strengthened relationship with those closest to me, definitely with Rich as we note that these times remind us how we complement each other so well, and most importantly, with God as I learn to lean on Him through this walk.  One step at a time.   

There was some cuteness in the chaos as K lined up her stuffies for a good rest.  After so much work, they needed their rest.   

Ok - tomorrow, I bring back the family to the blog.  :)  They have had their break from my photo journalism and is back to them as the headliners!

Spinning..... Day 6

 I decided to give my family a bit of a rest from the camera today.  They are such good sports as I take their photos and tell our stories.  I do try to respect their lives while still providing enough detail to allow this to be an accurate memory of the time of our lives we are currently in.  It is amazing as I go back and read previous year's DPP, how much I have forgotten and I am grateful for the written reminders.  Here is a photo at my parent's house a beautiful wind spinner they have outside.  I had taken my camera outside to play with some nighttime photography.  It is an area of weakness for me and I wanted to just see what I could come up with while shifting and changing settings.  I love the lighting and the movement of this photo as it is so clear that it was spinning.  

In addition to playing with photography, I gave myself a bit of a day of rest.  Not completely.  We are in the middle of home improvements so there is always furniture to move and things to get out of the way.  But I did take some intentional time to slow down, put my feet up, drink some warm coffee, and watch some cheesy, predictable, and happy ending filled Hallmark movies.  Rich and I have both been spinning this week.  We started the weekend with a car break down that prompted the purchase of a new vehicle.  Right before Christmas and with home improvements underway beyond the point of changing our minds, the timing wasn't great.  But we knew it was a must because the other car wouldn't be safe.  Unfortunately, what we didn't know was that Rich's company would be doing a massive lay off a day later.  Thus, sending us spinning into uncertainty.  Both of us struggling to sleep as our minds spin through scenarios of what the future holds.  We hold hope in knowing that God will walk with us in this time.  He has already shown up with people going to bat for Rich who know his talents and are bringing opportunity his way.  While we hope one of these opportunities will result in employment, regardless, it has slowed the spin because it shows us the respect, the relationships, and the excellent reputation Rich has built in his community.  Makes the sting of the loss hurt a bit less and reminds me, though I always knew, what a special talent Rich has not only for data forensics but also for people.  He builds relationships first.  He makes sure that he takes care of his clients and looks out for them during and beyond his work.  In data forensics, it can be easy to say "nothing is there" but when Rich says it, you know it is true.  Because he has built that relationship, I have seen him stay up at night trying to find what a client is looking for.  Coming up with creative ways to prove cases that others would have given up on.  He is always on the quest for the "smoking gun".  The relationship doesn't end with the work as he still checks in on clients and asks about their family long after the work is done.  A true skill set that is dying in a world where people disconnect so easily.    

Rich and I discussed this as it feels vulnerable to share but we both pride ourselves on authenticity.  We do not share as a way to look for attention of any kind (in fact, Rich specifically requests no "this stinks" texts though he looks forward to a time of congratulatory texts - whenever the timing works out for that).  We truly just want this blog, that is for us, to be real. And every previous entry of this blog has danced around this issue because December 1 was when we were stopped in our tracks with this news.  It is important to us that we have this in the future to remember just what 2020 was like and how we weathered this particular bit of hard.   So as we settled in to (Dec, 1st) Let Go of the Status Quo (after 14 years with these people), we are recognizing the imperfections (Dec 2nd) in all of this.  We are looking to give grace to those who had to give bad news at a terrible time of year.  We are taking time to look at our own imperfections so that we may improve from this experience.  We are looking with hindsight (Dec 5th) to the things God has laid in our path to prepare (Dec 4th) us for this time and how this challenge and hardship will prepare us in the future.  Our previous experiences tell us that this time will be hard but there will come a day that we look back on this and realize the good that came of it.  But for today, coffee and Hallmark is just want I needed to stop the spinning.  Well, that and a whole lotta prayer.  Psalm 22:19  Philippians 4:6

A few more photos.....

This is the most 2020 Christmas tree.   Still plenty of light - but the dark parts feel the most noticeable.  

A few other shots from playing with my camera.  The last one is the only other night time shot that came out anywhere near worth keeping.   I still have so much to learn about photography.

We may be spinning now but we are anchored in so many blessings.  But I also think there is necessity and beauty in some days just allowing it to not be ok.  To not put a bow on turd - as someone I know used to say.  Sometimes it is ok to say, this is scary and it hurts.  We will know our tomorrows will be better days and tomorrow we will find our gratitude.

Hindsight 2020

 Multiple times this year I have found it ironic that the year 2020 has been so crazy.  When 20/20 is supposed to mean clear vision and that things are crystal clear from the appropriate distance.  And here we are in a year where we not only have blurry vision, we feel blind as to what is next.  Any plans made have contingency plans and caveats trying to account for the uncertain, unclear, and unknown.  I feel certain as we look back on the year 2020, we will find more insight, more hindsight than any other year.  Hindsight is interesting, is it not?  It is a powerful tool of growth and resilience.  It is hindsight that will humble us to actions that went wrong.  Things we would take back if we could.  That hindsight teaches us patience and to be better decision makers in the future.  Hindsight often shows us where what once seemed bad has actually become a blessing.  Teaching us patience as God's plan moves forward without our vision for the future but His.  It builds some grit and resilience in knowing that in our hard times that good can come of it.  Hindsight can also build regret.  As we look back and see opportunities missed and places we let our fear or our mismatched priorities lead us away from where we should have been.  Regret is a painful teacher, for sure.  But it does open our eyes so that we see the next opportunities more clearly and we more carefully evaluate our priorities.  The Year 2020, I expect we will be humbled, we will see the blessings, and we will have some regret as we take the time to turn around and look back on it with hindsight.  

A bit of a tangent, one of my life's great regrets was when I was on a student ambassador trip to New Zealand.  It was a well organized trip with all of our moments filled (a wise move when travelling abroad with a bunch of high schoolers).  A rare occurrence of a spontaneous stop provided an opportunity to bungee jump into a gorgeous ravine.   I have no desire to bungee jump now - having family will do that to ya - but back then, I was 17, fearless, invincible and I knew everything.  I wanted to go but it was expensive and it was 4am back home.  We had to call home for permission and for the assessment of the expense.  I was certain that a call at 4am would cause my mother to panic (it would have) and my father to be annoyed (that was also likely true).  I really believed they would say no and it would have taken most of my money and I still had three weeks left.  So I didn't even call.   I didn't try.   It was several months down the road when I told my Dad about that experience and he said, "You should have called.  I would have said yes and I could have given them my credit card.  That would have been an amazing experience."   It was likely a passing conversation for my Dad but for me, it has left an imprint on my life.  It doesn't hurt to ask.  It is always worth trying something new.  And there are more important things than money.  I get teased all the time by my family for being frugal (well deserved) but thanks to this experience, I try not to turn down experiences.   My most recent big regret is that I didn't spend more time with my brother.  As we both have big families, we were often running in separate directions.  He made time though.  He always stopped by just to say hello.  I am SO grateful he did.  Those visits meant a lot to me back then but they mean the WORLD to me now.  I have learned that making time for family has to be a priority.  It can feel like we have forever but we just don't.  The coordination can be hard - do it anyway.  Covid makes it harder, find a way anyway.   I lost my brother in a covid world which limited our ability to visit and be with him.  While I fully support finding a safe way to do it, I believe that we must find a way to connect and be with our families.  Trust me, when they are gone, you will be able to think of the ways you could have made it happen and that is regret that leaves a mark.   

On a lighter note - some other photos from today....

This girl had some hindsight pointed out to her today.  She has her puppy with her at basketball because she didn't really want to go.  A good stuffy friend makes the hard easier.  Uncle Tev has been with us most of this week and K would MUCH rather hang with him than be bothered with school, basketball, dance or really even dinner.   She went and she had a great game.   She was all smiles at the end - so I gently asked, "Are you glad you came?"  She was.  And I am hopeful that hindsight will remind her at the next event to say yes, even when you don't always want to because you usually have a great time once you get there.  

I always include the photos that E sends me "for the blog" because I love that she participates.  Here she is with her good friend on the bus to an away game for basketball.  I think as E looks in hindsight at 2020 she will see her focus on basketball became a little out of focus as her priorities got shoved out of whack with life's curve balls.  Ironically, I see basketball coming in to save her as well.  She has been more focused and joyful since basketball started than I had seen her in a long time.  She has always loved it, she never stopped working, but the mindset has changed.  She has fire.  And her friend in this picture is another kiddo that has great fire for improvement.  They are a force.  They both played a fierce game with lots of passion today.   It was fun to watch.  

We did a bunch of work and moving of things at our house and these three were forced to help.  The horror!  So we threw on some Christmas music, jumped in the car, and drove around to try and decide who had the most beautiful and fun Christmas lights.   Well this house won the most fun, hands down.  We must have spent 20 minutes sitting outside this house.  You tune into a radio station that they must have broadcasting from inside their home.  And all the lights are coordinated to music.  They even have dialogue between songs.  It is incredibly charming and entertaining.  Prior to our Christmas light excursion, we were crabby, tired, and spent.  In hindsight, we were set up for a real downer of an evening with threats of "straight to bed!!"  But that decision to chill out with a bit of a drive was just what we needed.   Everyone went home more joyful and relaxed.   And when we got home, Uncle Tev had ordered up some extra sweetness to end the day.   

Disappearing Fast!

The funny thing about hindsight is that you never see it coming and yet, it is always there.  Praying that the hindsight in my life will teach me the lessons so that I may have less regret, less missed opportunities, and greater investment in the priorities that matter.  

Preparation

 

    Friday night preparations were well underway when I stopped in to see what these two joyful and giggling teens were doing.  The plans they had outlined were full of silliness and fun that I was impressed with their creativity.  As I think about preparedness, I see how the events that have happen this year to E have really prepared her heart to recognize true friendship from those who turn from you in your hardest of times.  To see those who desire to accept you and push you to be the best version of yourself even when, no, especially when you may fall short.  My mama heart aches as she walks through these trials and I have even said to her that I wish that I could make the hurting go away.  But as I sit here and type this, I am recognizing the strength, wisdom, and depth of future friendships she is going to get from these experiences. So while I would never want her to hurt, I can see the good that will come from it. This photo is just one example.  These two are goofy and silly but they have a deep respect and admiration for each other.  They would fiercely defend the other in any situation regardless of blame.  This friendship has been a true blessing.  

As promised, I did stalk big B a little today and made sure that I had some good photos of him.  

Here, I am getting some early morning side eye as I try to snag a photo of the light catching his face so nicely.  As he turned, it became half light and half shadow.  That seemed appropriate for the year this kiddo has had.  Life isn't as easy for big B as it is for the other Hoffs.  He gets dismissed or is the target of unkind comments more than any of my other kiddos.  It prepares in him a heart of empathy and a desire for justice.  I see it building gifts in him that are going to make him a truly remarkable adult.  Doesn't make it easier each day.  But he is strong and he has a great sense of humor and manages to spend most of his time happy as a clam anyway.  He has some good forever friends that he can count on and a few friends that come and go.  It helps that he and God are pretty tight and I think He just shows up when B needs him most.  Many events in the early time of 2020 prepared my heart to realize that there was a disconnect between B's ability and his performance in school. The gift of online school - which was a challenging time but an illuminating one - was that I could see how much he understood and how that didn't translate into test scores.  It isn't that he does poorly in school, it is more that he has a level of understanding that goes to such great depth that he often teaches me new things and new ways to look at things but the score on the exam would indicate a merely adequate fund of knowledge. We discovered the Gifted Development Center in Denver, CO and were able to do some testing there that confirmed and explained many of the things we are seeing.  The kiddo is brilliant but there are road blocks getting in his way.  As we actively work to remove those road blocks, we experience frustrations and disappointment as we do so.  I am hopeful that these challenges are preparing skills and confidence so that he may have many options open to him.  This does seem to be a deficit in public school - how to develop and bring out the child who is smart but learns differently.   It is like Einstein's quote - if you try to get a fish to climb a tree, he will think he is stupid but if you place him in water, he will excel.  There are days that public school feels like the desert and we are grappling for an oasis.  I know this is preparing his world for what grit and determination he will need in the future.  But sometimes, I wonder if this is preparing this mama's heart to advocacy and change for these kids.  It would take me too long to make an impact for B but with his help, I think we could change the world for those who follow.         

Here he is showing that big heart to our pups, Teddy.  He takes him for a walk every day just because he knows that is what Teddy likes.  What a good big brother he is to Teds.  

Here we were treated to a beginning of Jingle Bells on the bass.   It is a big nuisance to take that instrument around but lil b is so proud of it.  He even shifted from novice bass player to bass teacher seamlessly.   K was an excellent and very engaged student.  I love how music and instruments prepare children for the value of grit and hard work.  That the more time you put in, the better you get.  And that just because you can't do something today, doesn't mean you won't be able to do it soon.  Just practice, practice, practice.   

It is clear that sometimes we are preparing for things and sometimes life is preparing us.  May you be prepared for what lies ahead for you and I hope that we stand prepared for what the coming months have in store for us.