I had the privilege to be part of a special tradition today so that my mother could participate without anxiety. It was the most wonderful of evenings. The home was beautifully decorated as you can see from my chosen image of the day. The food was wonderful and the company delightful. What made it especially sweet was that my mom was more relaxed and happy than I have seen her in a long time. She didn’t ask me once where she would sleep and only asked a couple times if she needed to go back. She was content to just be in this space with people she clearly knew and loved.
My heart could help but ache a bit at the sad parts of my presence there. Their group of 10 has become 9 and I just know how much my Dad would have loved that evening. It reminded me of the events and life he is missing as we all try to march on without him. While I had a wonderful time and this group has been in my life for ages - I just wish Dad could have taken Mom. Or that Mom could have gone on her own. The reality of the dual loss of my parents in different ways is palpable most days I don’t talk about it much, but I carry it with me each and every day. I have so much joy and goodness in my life - that I don’t find myself sad all the time I do find myself feeling heavy. Tired Weighed down by the grief of this season of life.
It is why tonight was so magical. Mom is so different than last year when I ran in my PJs to snag a photo of the group much like the one above. But what was the same is how happy this dinner made her. It raises my goal of what to shoot for anytime she is at my house. She was content. She said, I just love to watch all the chatting and laughing. When we left, she said, I loved that. I could do that every day. Me too, Mom. Me too.
What a gift to have great friendship, good food, fun games, laughter, and people who love you regardless your circumstance. It was a bittersweet night but the goodness overflowed. I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude.
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