Curled Up - DPP2023 - Day 3

 

After a full day of church, confirmation, and two basketball games, this is how we found Lil b while he waited for the Panera Bread dinner pick up.  All curled up and folded in half playing games on his phone.  He had played hard and had a successful day of basketball and was ready to unwind. 

Today was a hard emotional day for a multitude of reasons.   One of our kiddos had a discovery that led to feelings of being deceived and betrayed by someone he/she considered a good friend.  (*Disclaimer -  we give children/young adults grace - knowing they are learning just like our own are.  We can be sad without tearing down others).  It has to be one of the hardest parts of parenting -  to know children have to learn and experience hard stuff.  To get out of the way so it can build them, teach them kindness and hone their skills.   But man, it is so hard to resist those urges to save them and you hurt right along side them.  But we will remain a soft place to land and an understanding ear.  We will steady ourselves so that we can be the strength they need until they find it themselves.  We also have someone we love dearly that is struggling with depression and trying to find their way out. It is a helpless feeling and a constant effort to make sure they know how loved they are and how much they matter.   It was a heavy day.  I find myself wanting to curl up like lil B - blocking out the world and escaping into something mindless.  

Today’s other photos remind me that though my memory of this day may be dominated by the emotion of it - there were still smiles.  Lil B’s cheering section is one good lookin’ crew. 

Here, we see lil B’s joy from playing on a team and probably didn’t hurt they were winning.   He enjoys this team of young men and they have fun together.  And I am smiling because Creighton beat Nebraska in basketball which is always a good thing.  :) 

Even Mom had a smile for me on my visit today.  She was tearful and worried when I arrived but she quickly was able to be more cheerful with stories and humor.  I cannot stand Alzheimer’s and it is awful.  I usually visit in the evenings which are her anxious and sad times of the day.  I wish I could be there during the day and when she is doing activities that make her happy - but work keeps me away. But it has created in me some intentionality to soak up all the best parts of the moments I do get.  I probably wouldn’t see my mom nearly every day if it wasn’t for the disease which I am grateful for. Doesn’t make up for all that has been lost and the pain of watching her become someone different than she once was - but it is something.   

I will go to bed tonight grateful for the good stuff in the day while still begrudging the heavy and the hard.   And life has taught me - tomorrow is another day - and it will likely be so much better.