Four days have gone by without a blog post. My oldest said, "But mom, you cannot let down all your fans!" Funny girl. Interestingly, my oldest is largely the reason the blog had to wait for the last four days. As finals approach, she is finding herself more overwhelmed by the demands on her time (though she fails to see the number of minutes her phone steals from her day). She requested my help in reading Lord of Flies. She is my most independent child by far so this request was an easy reason to skip writing the blog and to focus on letting this rare request for help be enjoyed. It was amazing to me how quickly the story came flooding back to me. I realized quickly why she needed my help. The author uses a lot of vivid imagery to story tell which can be missed if you aren't focused on and living in the details. If E were to tell you the most annoying thing I say to her on a regular basis - it would definitely be, "Details matter." This style of writing wasn't playing to her strong suit but after two nights of working those details together, she took off on her own and finished the book.
Day 10 - The only picture I took was this one.
What Big B is looking at here is one of the sweetest gifts that I have ever been given. My brother Kevin is incredibly thoughtful all the time but it is especially evident in his gift giving. This is an advent calendar in the form of a wooden Gingerbread house. In each drawer is a piece of paper with a statement from either Rich or one of the kids with what they love about me. Each day I get to read how in some way that I am appreciated. Be still my heart. Is there a better way to start each day than with a dose of kindness from those you love most? Honestly, with that kind of brilliance in gift giving - how will I ever find the perfect gift for him?!?!?
Day 11
This was the only picture on day 11. This is the heater at the hair stylists. It is the perfect picture for this day because it had been a long and hard day. And this was my only quiet moment. When the stylist walks away, I get a few precious moments to be alone with my thoughts in the cozy heat. I was sitting there reflecting on the Lord of Flies chapters we read, the current impeachment process, the way one of my kiddos is currently being treated, and even the fear we hold as adults to be vulnerable. Dominance behavior is a pervasive trait in the animal kingdom. We learn that teaching our dog that we are dominant or alpha makes for a calmer, happier, well mannered pup. But as humans, in theory, we are supposed to be evolved past this. Yet, every day you see someone choose political opinion and arrogance in belief over friendship and family. You need only walk into a middle school or high school to see some false hierarchy that is being developed by a few to allow the impression there are students that are "better" than others and those who are worth less. What is really the biggest mystery is that so many accept this as contrived reality. Similarly, in the corporate world, in academia, even within your local Target, you will see a man made hierarchy. Some, if not most adults recognize that this does not dictate worth over another human. That as humans we are created equally and deserved of the same love and respect as any other human. The CEO and entry level associate are equally valued in the world though their roles are different. But we all see every day examples of people treating others the way Jack treated Piggy in Lord of the Flies. Treating the human who already has challenges and fear and adding to that experience. Tearing them down, adding strife to the challenges they already face. What is it about human nature that people feel entitled to mock others merely because they are different or challenged in some way? Is it any wonder that those who are struggling do not reach out for help? From the time we are very young, we see examples of those who cry are mocked. Those who are weak, are left out. Those who are different, exiled. Those lessons get embedded which makes it really hard to ask for help and seek out those humans who do really care. I doubt there is anyone on the this planet who has not been a victim of dominance behavior at some point in time which is why it is so relatable. But if we are being honest, I doubt there are very few if any on this planet who have not also been guilty of dominance behavior. This is why it is important to give grace. My kiddos have been guilty, I have been guilty, we all have. Learning from the hurt felt at your words or actions is sometimes the most painful growth we must all endure. But days like today, when the hurt of that behavior hits so close to home, we will circle our wagons, love on our people, and we will be better tomorrow by looking for those who need human kindness. I know that God is giving this struggle to build strength and there are big plans ahead but that doesn't make it easier today.
Day 12
We needed a new day after Day 11 - so my first photo of day 12 was in the school drop off lane (don't worry, we were at a complete stop) with the sun shining in on tired eyes promising the hope of a new day. The beauty in the times that get families leaning in together to be that structure and support we need is that you watch the individuals rise. These two rose by getting ready for school without a single reminder. We have never had a morning run so smoothly. There were smiles, kindness, and laughter in the getting ready process. I don't know if it is good or bad that I know this kind of wonderfulness can exist in the mornings because I know I will long for it when the mornings are especially challenging. Live in the moment, right? And I loved everything about this morning and this moment.
The only other photo I took on this day was of this cool down moment. Now let me be very clear that I believe that Karen, the adult in this photo, is an angel here on earth. We would not have discovered her had she and her husband Pete not been the kind and intentional neighbors they are. They walk the neighborhood and stop to chat with neighbors. They remember the details of who they are and what is important to them. Somewhere in our many chats, we learned of the work Karen does. She is an occupational therapist and she works with many children who are struggling in this world. She has a gift for identifying not only the areas of neurologic deficit but more importantly where strengths are. She has been helpful in helping Big B develop strategies to make school, studying, and executive functions easier. But even if she wasn't helping him so much, it is worth coming to see her each week because she identifies true strengths, recommending for how those strengths might serve him in the future, and he always leaves walking taller than he came. As a mom, she has helped me understand Big B even better and has given me tools to be more effective in tackling the challenges that inevitably come. B would tell you that the best part is that he has met friends and that her basement is a no rules zone. He gets lots of input in a safe and fun environment. Is there any greater kindness than meeting people where they are, seeing their bright spots so clearly, and providing them tools to overcome their challenges? See? An angel on earth. The best thing we have learned is that B has a strength in meeting children where they are, accepting them completely, and befriending them sincerely. I hope to be more like B when I grow up because I would give anything for that to come naturally to me. Because of this strength, Karen sometimes seeks Ben's help with kiddos that need practice on social skills. Building confidence is her super power. In this photo is not a kiddo that B is helping but a new friend. These two were competing as strangers for who could launch themselves over the tallest pile of cardboard bricks. Without ever meeting each other, they challenged each other to try harder, problem solve and improve. Eventually, they were ready to meet and they became fast friends.
Day 13
The photo of the day is the work of the youngest Hoffman. She is clearly grasping the customs of Christmas more and more each year. She is a lover of all arts and crafts so she has been working hard to make gifts for everyone in the family. I am hopeful the olds know to be kind and embrace her treasures genuinely. She is working hard. She is also the only Hoffman who has done any work towards Christmas. Even typing that raises my blood pressure. I am behind the 8 ball this year like I never have been before and on top of it all, I don't feel like I have any good ideas except for my hubby. He is gonna love his gift. Wish I could tell you all about it but he reads this thing. (Spoiler - I spent all morning this morning working on shopping - and I am in a much better position - but on Day 13, the weight was heavy).
If this picture raises questions - you are in good company. When my coworker told me he had purchased me a gift while in Phoenix for work, I knew to say uh-oh. Gifts are not something we typically do and if we do, it is usually a gag of some sort. What a shock this was to open. Not only is this a rubber chicken (a dog toy, I think) - this chicken is BRIGHT PINK and the only part more obnoxious than the hot pink with a red Santa suit is the sound that it makes. It is quite the conversation piece. It disappears every so often but I always know where it has gone because the person inevitably squeezes it to scare a coworker or to lovingly annoy a coworker. One of my favorite things about my team at work is that we are friends first and coworkers second. We eat lunch together most days - which other departments find weird - but we have great conversation and lots of laughs. And then we have things like this, random things that bring a little extra fun to our work day. This levity was more than welcome after a long hard week and that levity was a great kindness to me.
You may wonder what this close up is for. It is weird in focus but I still had to include it. What great hilarity ensued when my mom and dad stopped by on their way home from the airport and we all notice this unusual tan line on Dad. We were so happy to see them as we always miss them when they travel. My dad tans like crazy - he gets so brown, so easily. But it seems that he squinted quite a bit on this particular trip because he has a very distinct pale 11 right between his eyes. This picture doesn't do it justice but you can at least see a hint of it. Humble as he always is - he just said, "Well, if you score people between 1-10, this just proves, I am an 11." Always quick with a response. This evening was the best because not only were my mom and dad back in town but Rich returned from his work trip. These times that Rich travels is always a good reminder that he makes me better. Our team effort is and always has been far better than when one of us is on our own. His mom sweetly comes and helps us out whenever one of us travels and she makes the time doable. She is tremendously helpful and we are eternally grateful for her kindness. But nothing can replace having Rich around. Wait for the next blog.... you will see just one reason why it is so fun to have him around.
If you made it this far. . . .I am impressed. Its a long one....
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