Today was a day where I was reminded what it looks like when we allow fear to take the driver's seat. K caught me taking her photo of her two bandaids from her two vaccines today. I have been blessed with doctor's visits with kids that never got too worked up about their shots. Three of my four didn't even cry for their 1 year old shots. I learned early on in my career that kids, like everyone else, value honesty. If you are consistently honest with them, they have confidence in you when it is needed. For example, if you tell them a throat swab will tickle, they learn to doubt your descriptions. So you might get that swab without an issue, but the next one is gonna be a doozy. Today, my credit for confidence wasn't high enough despite my long standing record of blunt honesty. Or sometimes, people are going to act from a place of fear regardless of what they know. This kid has never done anything other than sit up on the table, complain about having to do it and then get through it. So this was new territory. To her credit, when mom got real serious and explained that holding still was a must as it protects her and the nurse giving her the shot - she managed that fear enough to be still. She was stiff and crying (that shoulder is gonna hurt so much from those tight muscles) but she held still and got it done. She learned what it means to be brave. She admitted later with a giggle, the fear and the tears were far worse than the actual experience.
Interestingly, this young lady had a similar experience today. Though she didn't think twice about her shots, she did have a fear driven moment today from being overwhelmed and lost as to how she was supposed to get all her work done and work all of her shifts this week. We navigated the ideal option versus the realistic ones. We discussed where priorities belong. I tried to get her to focus on just the next one or two things she could do to move herself forward towards completion. No matter how I tried, she couldn't focus on the path forward. Fear of not getting done or not getting sleep or doing poor work was plaguing her brain. This kid is so hard working and she cares deeply about working hard for both her school work and her employer. Realizing she couldn't be everything to everyone caused her fear. It didn't help that someone she considers a friend gave some "get up earlier" and "suck it up" type advice when she needed something a bit more compassionate. She would have come to me if she wanted some tough love. Ha! Fortunately, after years of getting it wrong, I quickly recognized her fear and moved away from teaching lessons and into teaching how to manage the emotion. The fear. By the time her lunch time was over, she shoved fear out of the drivers seat, she had a plan, had pulled herself together, and began chipping away. I need to wrap up because I promised her some early morning support as well.
There has been a lot of fear and worry in the last 12-15 months in my life. Just like my girls, there were days when it hopped into the driver seat and I was stuck. Not all the helpful advice or plans made anything budge. That is what fear does. It stops us from thinking clearly. We focus on the problem and not the solutions. We freeze under the weight of the what ifs. It is a completely useless situation. For me, I have developed a mantra that I will have faith, not fear. Faith in its more pure form - that God has me and my family, especially my Dad. I can rest. Also faith in the provision that I will rise to the capacity needed of me as I walk through the many responsibilities around me. Faith in the community that surrounds me as well, that like my girls, I am surrounded in support and reminders why fear doesn't need a license to drive in my world. None of that is easy and sometimes it is outright forgotten.
Just a few more photos. . . I love this one because it shows Lil B's typical after school station. In the recliner with his screens at the ready. Sometimes with a show on TV while he works through the games on his phone. Teddy keeps watching and makes sure he is protected. What a good boy. Two good boys!
Big B made it to the cabin and already busted his homework out. Such a beautiful place to get to do school work. He is so lucky. On a side note, we are beginning to keep a list of the hilarious things he says. We don't ever write them down and I am quite certain that we will forget them. If you have any, send them my way.
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