Waiting..... DPP2022 Day 14

 Today was a tough day.  The photo above that was chosen for the day was taken before the reason I chose it as the reason for the photo for the day.  The evening was logistically challenging. We had over lapping drop offs and pick ups for all the things including the dogs.  We handled it like the pros we are and even managed to meet in the middle to pass Lil b and some Arby's from Rich to Big B and me.  The photo above is of our last stop.  The haircut for lil b - though they both need it.  Big B wasn't interested and history tells me he will eventually ask.  Where choice and control can be given, it will be.  These two had the funniest conversation throughout the entire haircut and somehow it became a non stop World Cup trivia match in which Lil b's answer was always Messi or Ronaldo.  Our hairdresser just kept laughing at the two of them.  Below is a photo that is more real life than above.  I must have caught a quiet moment above but my brain does not remember any quiet moments.  These two have the funniest and most bizarre conversations and I feel privileged to have access to them.

Man, it was a tough day for homeschooling.  I knew when I decided this was best for Big b that the beginning would be tough.  I knew I was signing up to be accountability that was more than what the school could provide.  I knew that I would be holding him to higher standards than what he was used to.  I knew that every standard and boundary I set would likely get challenged at some point.  When I presented the option as a choice to him, I laid out the most unpleasant of realities and yet he still chose it over public school.  Yesterday and today were days, not the first nor the last, where those boundaries and standards got challenged.  It is a balance that I tread lightly because many of his bad habits can easily be explain by the challenges we know he has from attention issues to dyslexia to processing issues.  It would be easy to accept those things as an excuse and lower the standard.  I think that is what the school did.  However, we also know he is capable and has tested as gifted.  He has skills to build and I suspect that only some adversity in the context of support is going to build those.  Today was definitely an adversarial day.  Some days, I find it easy to be patient and firm.  Setting the boundary firmly with calm and loving reinforcement.  Choosing to encourage him and empathize while holding stubbornly to the bar he must meet.  Some days, like today, when the words coming at me are those of a frustrated 15 year old boy with all the attitude and resentment he can muster, I find patience harder to come by and feeling the need for the boundary of respect to be set firmly and not so lovingly.  He was angry that he had pushed the boundary to a consequence and was misdirecting that anger my way.  Fortunately for me, delay added to that consequence.  So when I found myself frustrated, I informed him that I would need some time to calm down before I could help him effectively.  Wouldn't you know, my waiting caused him to rise.  To battle the challenge on his own and tackle it with tremendous success.  The desire to end his consequence expeditiously built in him an independence and confidence of which he is likely unaware.  He can do it without me.  He just has to be motivated to do so.  It is my hope that with time, that motivation will be internal.  For now, I am happy to provide the structure to build those skills.  Until then, I will be here waiting for him to do the things that those of us on the outside can so clearly see he is capable.  I suspect in my waiting, I will be amazed that I underestimated him because in the two short months we have been doing this, he has come so far.  To his credit, as is his practice, he had insight into the unfolding of the day.  He apologized for the disrespect and sheepishly admitted his success on the day.  Even on the hard days like today, he is worth every strife and struggle.  In the photo below, he was at the peak of being angry with me - so you can imagine how much he loved my photojournalism.  He did ultimately consent to the sharing of the photo and our day together.  Yay for Wednesdays off to fight this good fight.   

No more than the homeschooling dust had settled, I got a call from my brother reporting that Mom had come back to his room and stated that Dad hadn't done anything for two days and that she was worried about him.  Obviously, Mom is an unreliable source for Dad's level of activity over the last two days (he had ran two errands that day) but her instincts about his wellness remain top notch despite the Alzheimer's.  I told Kevin I trusted her instincts and that I would stop by after all the crazy evening running mentioned above was complete.  I did call Dad and he reported feeling pain around his abdomen and back and feeling fatigue that reminded him of when he had his infection last year.  With all the flu, covid, and rsv going around, the logical thing to think was that he picked one of those up.  But when your Dad's oncologist likened his situation to living with a ticking time bomb, you can't help but find yourself waiting to breath.  Afraid to exhale and find yourself in the moment that you work so hard not to think about every single day.  We could have weeks, months, years - we don't know.  We just work to enjoy all the moments and not let fear and worry ruin that.  It is when he isn't feeling well, that undercurrent of fear and worry finds its way to the surface.  

After the haircut we went to check on Dad, he was tired and running a low grade fever but not looking terrible.  It sounded like it came on the night before so not something that had been coming on for awhile.  This was encouraging.  No one said much, but the worry was palpable in the room. Dad was sitting with his eyes closed though he continue to chat with us.  I decided to leave Big B with them just in case they needed anything in the middle of the night.  Big B was more than happy to volunteer because he loves going to visit them.  A real blessing of this homeschooling decision has been his ability to be a support to his grandparents.  He travels with them to do the heavy lifting, sit with mom when Dad has things he needs to do and is eager to spend time at their house any time I will let him.  That is a double win because he gets to see Uncle Tev too - everyone's favorite playmate.  

For now, we will be waiting to see how the next couple days unfold.  Praying that he starts feeling better in 24-48 hours and we can feel more comfortable that this is just a virus.  And blog readers have to stay waiting for photos of the girls because I hardly saw them today!